So here we are.
It’s a familiar place to me, I’ve been here many times, but my suspicion is this is your first visit.
This is my premier post of my new Blog I call “A Muse”. It has been started, stopped, continued, and stopped again, many times, for months. Why?
The easy answer is: it’s complicated.
I’ll attempt to uncomplicate it in a minute. But first, what is a muse?
According to my friends at Merriam-Webster:
-As an intransitive verb: to muse is to become absorbed in thought, or to think about something thoroughly and carefully. (I think the kids call it heavy stuff).
-As a transitive verb, to muse is to think or say something in a thoughtful way.
-As a noun: 1) a muse is a state of deep thought or dreamy abstraction, or
2) a muse is a source of artistic inspiration.
That being said, if I may address the elephant in the Blog title…”a muse” could just as well be amalgamated to “amuse”, which means to entertain or occupy in a light and playful manner.
So, in a nutshell, I’m a nut who wants to come out of his shell, and occupy a few minutes of your time by carefully sharing some heavy thoughts, in a light way.
Like so many, I haven’t had the greatest hand dealt to me in this game called life.
The cliche that once you hit 50, it’s all downhill, has become my everyday dilema, as my list of physical ailments seems to be growing. I mean, if I was a smoker, or ate a bag of Doritos each time I watched Netflix on the couch, or drank a six pack while watching every hockey or football game, then I would expect some health issues. But I take care of myself, watch what I eat, and exercise. My enemy is my genes. I have had some significant life-changing injuries from working, but mostly inherited many of my conditions, so I almost feel like somehow I’ve been ripped off. I will write extensively about the connection between physical health and mental health, because I am a walking, talking, reclining, laying down expert on the subject.
When you hurt yourself, most often, over a short timespan, you heal, and feel better. In some cases, when you hurt yourself badly, over a longer timespan, you heal, and feel better. Then there’s those of us who hurt, and it doesn’t go away. Some days you feel better than others, but chronic pain never goes away. Being sore all the time can be very depressing, and lead to a boatload of anxiety.
So, in the game of life, I don’t need to win, I just want to stay in the game. So in this blog, I will share what I have learned works, and what doesn’t work, (at least for me), as I fight my physical and mental enemies in battle. Everyone is different, and everyone has a different fight. So, I hope to also get some feedback from you about how you beat down your enemies to enjoy life as best you can. Supporting each other gives us strength to continue on.
Life is not fair, there will be rough times, no matter who you are, or where you live. Don’t ever believe that everyone else’s life is glorious because of what they say around the proverbial water cooler, or especially on social media. Personal profiles on websites like Facebook are just a person’s highlight reel. They are more than willing to share all the good stuff, but rarely do they talk about the bad stuff in public, or not at all.
So, the idea of this blog is to share some of the ways I coped with my bad stuff, the curve balls that lead to me striking out, but also the line drives I was able to hit over the fence. Because lose or win, how I have dealt with whatever life throws at me, might help someone like you. But it’s not just about you, this helps me. I still deal with some anxiety issues, and writing is a very cathartic therapy. Getting things off your chest, removing the burden from your shoulders, getting your head out of your ass, or using any other analogy involving body parts to lighten your load is part of the healing process. A process that often never stops.
By the way, this isn’t my first writing rodeo. A brief Harkins history lesson goes like this:
My first professional gig out of college was a copywriter at a radio station. Let me qualify “gig” as if they liked my work, I got paid. It was a blast, big radio station, big city, I was on my way.
Of course, my way became the highway as I quickly realized radio and writing was somewhat inconsistent when it came to stable paycheques, so I started doing deliveries.
While operating my own delivery business, I still put pen to paper. Writers seem to have a need to write, much like musicians need to play music, or they feel lousy.
But we didn’t have blogs back then, so I actually wrote a weekly humour column called “Who’m I kidding?” I was featured in all sorts of weekly papers, in towns across Canada with populations averaging around 537 people. I didn’t care, I was having fun, entertaining at least a half dozen people across the country, so life was good.
I had a great wife, my business was doing well, we bought our first house…I was living the proverbial dream. Then the nightmares began. Well, maybe not nightmares, but there were lots of sleepless nights where my mind thought it was Mario Andretti.
To quote Paulo Coelho: “Life has a way of testing a person’s will, either by having nothing happen at all, or by having everything happen at once.”.
I am not talking about tragedies. My story does not include child abuse, or crime, destruction, domestic violence, devastation or major loss…things that are often apparent and obvious.
My situation was more like ongoing issues with anxiety, struggles with workplace injuries, family strife, money issues, employment issues, where the crisis was more of the midlife variety…things that aren’t so obvious.
The not so obvious struggles people have can be the most dangerous.
Why?
Well, say you lose a loved one in a car accident. It’s on the news, and social media, so everyone knows. You have an outpouring of support from friends, neighbours, coworkers, even strangers. Grief Counselors show up at your door from Victim Services. Insurance can help replace your car. Maybe a GoFund me page gets set up to help you deal with funeral costs.
But anxiety, depression, family issues, health issues, job issues, money issues….those things are not so obvious. People don’t know and you try to keep it that way by wearing a brave face while you try to deal with things, often on your own.
There is no outpouring of support, there is no professional counselors knocking on your door, there is no GoFund me.
We try to deal with it by ourselves, in silence. No one needs to know. It’s a private family matter. You don’t want to discuss it because it might make you appear broken or weak, and you may be embarrassed. So you suck it up, keep your chin up, keep a stiff upper lip, and all the other “up” lifting things Grandma said to do. Grandma’s heart was in the right place, but you feel lost, miserable, exhausted, often overwhelmed, and mostly, alone.
You go to the mechanic when your car isn’t working right.
You call an appliance repairman when your dishwasher isn’t working right.
You go to the doctor if your elbow isn’t working right.
But if your mind isn’t working right, quite often, we do nothing about it.
The old cliches like “This too shall pass”, or “Things have a way of working themselves out” , (again, Grandma tried), is an action plan based on waiting for things to change.
That’s not how real life works. You must be the change, and it’s OK to ask for help to dig yourself out of the mess. Maybe you created the mess by some not-so-smart decisions. Maybe someone else created the mess by their not-so-smart decisions. Either way, it’s your mess.
You can blame others, blame your circumstances, blame the government…and not much will change.
You can also take ownership of your mess, and once you do that, you can start cleaning it up, and you will notice the changes.
I’m not a counselor, I’m not here to judge. I’m here to share my story of how I navigated through some storms. I didn’t come out perfect. I’ll be the first to admit I’m damaged goods, but that’s OK. Maybe you get some tips, maybe you get a chuckle, but mostly, I just want you to know, if you’re struggling, you’re not alone.
Earlier I mentioned that I have been here many times. I have started writing this blog, then stopped, then started again. It was a yes, then a no, because I was up, then was down, I was in, then I was out…my life could be a Katy Perry song.
The theme for the blog went from humour, to health and wellness, to home improvements to what we have now….a life blog that deals with many life things, with mind fitness and wellbeing featured as the main goal throughout. Sure, life sucks sometimes, but we need to adapt and be resilient, and be prepared for when, not if, your life turns upside down.
I have taken writing classes, (I know, it’s hard to tell). But one thing they tell you in the beginning, is that you need to be in the right frame of mind to do writing. That has been my main excuse for delaying this blog. You need a quiet, uncluttered area, with an uncluttered mind, and few distractions so your creative juices can flow.
A quiet, uncluttered area, with few distractions? What the hell is that?
I am a married father of two teens, with four or five pets in the house, (it keeps changing and I lose count), and we live in an older house that constantly needs repair and renovations. Plus I have a tenant because it’s a duplex, and I volunteer with my local fire department, my local Distress Centre, and my local Victim Services branch of my local police department.
I constantly deal with annoying physical conditions, and also have been estranged from siblings, and both my parents passed away when my kids were little. Plus, l’ve struggled with employment issues, and subsequently dealt with all the joys of suffering a workplace injury and fighting with Workmen’s Compensation. All that fun, just within the last decade.
I have seen a lot of things most people don’t see, I have dealt with a lot of things many people never have to deal with. It’s given me an interesting perspective on life.
But you can’t pour from an empty cup. In order to take care of people, you need to take care of yourself as well. And writing this blog is one of the many ways I will be using to take care of myself. But anxiety and depression are serious and sensitive subjects, how can I be funny about that stuff? Because neurotransmitters in your brain release endorphins when you smile. Endorphins help lower stress and anxiety. But smiling also helps reduce the production of cortisol, which causes stress and anxiety. Not sure if it’s always the best medicine, but laughter is another tool to add to your mental health toolbag.
My life will never be uncluttered (did I mention the teens?), and my life will always have distractions (I think my cat just barfed) so, I have no more excuses, I am writing this blog, even if only half a dozen people across the country read it.
It’s not easy to talk about the past, it’s not easy revealing personal stories about your life, but I think when you toss your negative experiences around in a Blog, they become easier to manage, and it’s a learning experience for me, and maybe even you. I also believe writing strengthens your mind, like boosting your brain’s immune system to fight off future illness.
I write to heal, because when we lose ourselves in words, we can find ourselves there too.
Everyone’s busy, so I’ll try to keep my posts around 2000 words, shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes to read. And I’ll attempt probably 2 posts a week, I was thinking Monday and Friday. One for the week, and a bonus one for the weekend. That’s subject to change, just like everything in your life is subject to change.
I would also like to end each Blog with
1) a disclaimer:
I am not a trained therapist. I have no formal anything, I don’t even like formal- I hate wearing ties. The thoughts and ideas I share helped me in my own experience, and might not be the best thing for your situation. So it’s always best to do your own research, talk to your own doctor, and figure out what works best for you. And,
2) a quote that sums up my intentions perfectly:
“How gratifying it is to amuse. How easy it gets to toss off a witticism to ease any awkwardness. When you amuse, it even seems, for the briefest possible moment, that you are who you appear to be…so clever, and confident, and at ease.” -Caroline Kettlewell
Hope you come back again.
A-muse 